At Your Convenience

Mum: So, what do you think to your new school, Stan?

 Stan: It's great. They've got urinals.

Birthday

Just to let you all know, Stan is now 4 years old and has been since the end of May.

OMCG

Stan: (ferreting about in the bathroom for an extraordinary length of time) Oh my Chilean God, I've pooed on my finger. Muuuuum, there's poo on my actual finger

Pliers

Stan: (Holding a pair of pliers) I'm going to use these to chop baddies fingers off.

Grandpa: That's not their purpose Stan.

Stan: I'm not going to do it on pupose, I'm going to do it by accident.