Fascist Feasting

Stan: This meal is so Germanic, it's making my eyes turn blue. 

Just Weird

Stan: You've been framed, sponsored by an eye looking at the frame.

Votes for Women

Stan: In the olden days they used to put stones round camp fires.

Mum: Do you know why they used to do that?

Stan: Yeah, so men could stand on them and throw ladies vote cards into the fire. That's not very nice is it?

It's in hand

Stan: (Enters the room holding his penis in his hand and says to Jordan, a guest) Look at it! Look at it or die!

Jordan: I'd rather not thanks Stan.

Stan: Ok, I'll put you down for a die then.

Mistaken Identity

Mum: Who's birthday is it on the same day as Flossie?

Stan: Don't know.

Mum: He's black and furry and gets in the way a lot?

Stan: Daddy?

Proof of Payment

Mum: Can you grab the receipt for me please Stan?

Stan: Ahhhh, the two dimensional record.

A Poem

A poem by Stanley Herbert, aged 3. 

I want to glue your face
Banana Haggis and a screwdriver 
One is spiky and one is hairy
One is pulling and one is scary,
I want to cut your head off please. 
Where's bumhole gone?

Nefarious Activities

Dad: OK spy Stan, have you gathered any useful intelligence since we've been on our spy mission?

Stan: Yes. There is a man behind that tree who is being sick on an animal.