Saturday, 11 February 2012

Oliver 2

Stan: Daffodils don't grow on trees, you've got a pick a pocket or two.

Friday, 10 February 2012

Info Alert.

Stan was sent to his room for not listening to Dad or doing as he was told, after five minutes Mum & Dad went up to speak to him.

Mum: Stan, I think you should apologise to your Dad. Have you got something to say to Daddy?

Stan: Yeah, you have to be really careful when you wipe chicken poo off eggs or you might crack them. 

Thursday, 9 February 2012

Planning Permission

On returning home from nursery to discover that the builder had been round and knocked the bathroom wall down.

Stan: What's happened? We must ring daddy, I think I need to speak to him.

Wednesday, 8 February 2012

At the Church

Stan: (lying face down on the church floor with his bum in the air, crack fetchingly displayed) I don't like church. I don't want to be here. 

Mum: Please get up Stanley. Why don't you like church?

Stan: The church makes my heart hurt. My heart hurts because it is so miserable. I'm staying down here. 

Mum: Come on Stan, I'll help you up. 

Stan: I'll only get on my knees. I don't want to get the church on my feet.

Tuesday, 7 February 2012

News International

Mum: Stanley, what do you think about the News of the World closing? 

Stan: Well Mummy, sometimes when there is a fire, you have to jump out of the window.

Monday, 6 February 2012


Stan: Cock flavoured crisps are minging. 

Mum: What Stan? 

Stan: Cock prawn crisps are minging.

Sunday, 5 February 2012


Dad: Good morning Stan. How are you today? 

Stan: Don't even talk to me, Daddy.