Saturday, 4 February 2012


Stan: (Having been told he can't have anything else to eat as he's just finished his dinner, steps up to his keyboard, plays a chord and sings) My life has changed.

Friday, 3 February 2012


Stan: In this life, one thing counts. In the bank, larger mouse.

Wednesday, 1 February 2012

Table Manners

Mum: Stanley, don't talk with your mouth full. 

Stan: OK.

Tuesday, 31 January 2012

Primary Education

Mum: Stanley, I'm going to have a look round your new school tomorrow and meet one of the teachers Mrs Smith, is there anything you would like me to ask her? 

Stanley: Can I squeeze you into jelly? 

Mum: You'd like me to ask Mrs Smith if you can squeeze her into jelly? 

Stanley: Yep. 

Mum: (wearliy) Ok, any thing else? 

Stanley: Can I eat her?

Monday, 30 January 2012

Pour Homme

Mum: Stanley, have you wiped your bottom? 

Stan: Nope. 

Me: Why have you pulled your trousers up then? 

Stan: It's alright, I sprayed some aftershave on it instead.

Sunday, 29 January 2012

Eternal Life, Ahmen

Mum: (reading him the nativity story at bedtime) .....and they called the baby Jesus. 

Stan: Cheeses? That's a silly name for a baby. 

Mum: No, Stan, Jesus, not Cheeses. 

Stan: This story isn't real, is it? 

Mum: Why do you say that? 

Stan: You don't get baby boys. Boys just come out big. You only get baby girls. 

Mum: That's not true, Stan. What about all those photos of you when you were a baby? 

Stan: Boys ARE NOT babies. They just get bigger and bigger and bigger until the life falls out of them and then they die. You're quite big now. Are you going to die soon?