Friday, 6 April 2012


Mum: Come on, Stan. Just try and have a wee before we go out.

Stan: But I don't need one.

Mum: Go on mate, please give it a try.

Stan: I DON'T need one.

Mum: Go on, just a little one. Go on, give it a bash.

(Stan punches himself in the balls really hard, doubles over in pain and looks at me in horror)

Stan: Why on Earth did you tell me to do that? It really hurts.

Sunday, 1 April 2012


Stan: (Looking for his mind the gap London underground t-shirt) Mum, where's my, grind the flaps t-shirt?